Apologies for lack of posts things have been a little busy recently
On the 12/12/2019 I was taken off my section after 5 long years of recovery I am so happy so proud of myself for all that I have achieved I have learned so much about myself about the world my confidence has grown I am a new person I am ready to face living in the community something I have yearned for, for so long something I never believed I would ever manage but its happening in the next few months I will transition into my own flat I will be free. Today is the start of the rest of my life free from the constraints of the mental health act
These keys don’t just unlock my flat they also unlock the door to my future
Christmas has been and gone and the new year has begun. Christmas this year was like many other years I spent it at home with my family with good food and good company ,it was a very merry time. I normally find Christmas really difficult but it was different this time ,I don’t know weather that’s because I know I have a future to look forward to or its because I know myself better I understand my autism and have better ways of coping with all the things that overwhelm me at Christmas. I think it’s a combination of them both, I can defiantly see the difference in my coping strategies compared to previous years, I even coped with the fact the tree was in a different position. yes it did annoy me it was strange but it was nice it oddly fitted in with everything being a new start .
New year was the perfect start to what I hope will be the perfect 2020 nice and peaceful and celebrating it with those who are going to be a massive part of my new life in the community, my new staff team who have been working with and getting to know me since October .I spent new years eve within the unit I currently live on seeing in the new year with other service users and a bottle of j20. It was a nice evening coupled with sadness as I know I am going to miss the staff/service users terribly they have become part of my journey and have helped me to become who I am today.
On news years day I spent time at my new flat with my new team planning how to move all my things into my new home and also writing lists and planning how I want my new home to be decorated. we then went for a long walk around the marina and to the lock for a lovely lunch we toasted to new beginnings and had some long conversations about how far I have come and reflected on the last year and looking forward to what will be 2020 .
Over the last couple of weeks I have been super busy buying and building furniture and setting up my new home to make it how I want it. I have learned so much about DIY and flat pack furniture I changed a light bulb for the first time and have shopped and shopped and shopped (the fun bit), although it has been overwhelming as January sales and the festive period have made shops super busy loud and manic but I coped with it well . This part of my transition has been so rewarding I love organising and planning it helps with anxiety and gives me extra routine which is comforting I am transitioning from hospital to home it’s a difficult process especially with it being new experiences it is nowhere near like moving from hospital to hospital and there is so much too think about and so much to put in place in order for it too happen its such a momentous step I have not lived in a community setting since I was 13 there has been a lot of different emotions throughout this process and there are often times when I sit and overthink things. It has been hard to process these emotions and to understand what they mean but staff have been there for me every step of the way helping me to understand that these emotions I am feeling are “normal” there has been times of doubt that I am not able I am not strong enough to make this leap times where I question myself and ask am I ready to fly I suppose I wont know this until I fly but what I do know is that no matter what I am strong enough and wise enough to withstand my future battles
At the weekend I had my first overnight leave it was amazing. I came to realise whilst I was sat on my new sofa late on Saturday evening admiring all the work I have put into being in the community that I really appreciate how far I have actually came and how I do not question that I don’t deserve this happiness this freedom like I would of done in the past because I do deserve it its times like this that the doubt seems to vanish and I feel all warm and happy excited for the future because I have worked so hard for so long to understand who I am and to understand my diagnosis and how this affects me that I have missed out on so many levels that its time to start living to explore the world I am confident that I have the skills to be able to do this now I can be free but most importantly I am ready to be free I am ready for this new adventure to live the life I’ve missed out on for all these years its going to be scary to leave the patient role behind it has been a part of me for 11+years its been the way i have lived i know i will often crave it but to fully move forward i have to leave it behind the community is my new life and it is going to be so much better i am going to have control i will be able to make decisions i will have the freedom any 24 year old craves i will be able to do what other people my age do i am also aware the social aspect of this will be difficult coupled with my ASD as i have limited social skills and struggle to hold a long conversation especially on other subjects other than hospital related i am super interested in medicine and hospital has been my life for a very long time
I am aware that over the coming weeks I will have to part with and say my thanks to all the amazing staff who have helped me to flourish into who I am I know it will bring with it many emotions leaving somewhere that has changed my life will be so hard no amount of thank you’s will ever repay how grateful I am to have received the help I have over the past year but saying goodbye does not feel like the end because I am moving onto bigger and better things something which the unit I live on has worked so hard to help me achieve I am happy I am grateful I am excited my new life is just beginning and I am ready to live it to the full I know it won’t always be easy because you cant have a rainbow without rain but what I do know is that no matter what happens I always have my amazing new support team to help guide me in the right direction