After years of abusing my own body through self harm. I now accept who I am and who I have become .I am learning to love myself and find myself wanting to look after myself and my body (this doesn’t stop the urges) and sometimes these urges will become to much but I have coping skills to help me get through these tough moments. I find it difficult to look at my scars they sometimes trigger me and I sometimes spend hours obsessing over them but recently for the first time in many years i’ve looked at my scars and thought why did I do this, why did I never love who I was . Throughout all the hell i’ve been through, why did I not show myself the love I so rightly deserved .Why did I hate myself so much that I had to inflict pain and destroy my body. I feel sorry for the person I was that I could never show her the true love she so rightly deserved, instead I inflicted pain and put myself through more suffering than I needed to and I now have to live with these daily reminders for my entire life. I am sorry to who I was I am sorry I never loved her. This journey has taught me so much about myself and about others I now look at my scars and wonder why self harm was the answer.
Learning to love myself has not been easy I realised I started to love myself when others loved me . When they brought out the best in me, showed me the love I deserved and picked me up at my lowest points .These people loved me even when I did not love myself, they encouraged me to heal to recover, they inspired me to keep pushing through the hell and helped me to see the light at the end .They have shown me what happiness is and how to cope with a multitude of emotions. I believe this is the reason why I have achieved so much in the last 2 years. This is because I was shown kindness empathy love understanding and a true commitment to help me to understand myself
 the journey I have been on has been long and painful and utter hell but now I have the chance to grab life with both hands and live it to the full and use all my experience to show kindness to others to help spread hope and happiness and to make a difference to others lives
I am not saying self harm will ever not being a coping strategy and this is something that will always be in my mental tool kit but I have other strategies to use I have a comprehensive WRAP plan which is ever changing as I change and it reflects how I cope with my autism diagnosis incorporating sensory strategies and the skills I have learned throughout the past year
So please if anything be kind show kindness because even the smallest spark is enough to light someones dark path