Little did we know what 2020 was going to hold, like every year we begin with goals and resolutions that we hope to achieve. For many years, though I was never confident that I would be able to achieve these and I have always looked at a new year as negative. Another year of fighting demons that I believed would kill me. At the start of 2020 I entered the year with confidence, hope, aspirations and goals, which I knew I would achieve. I believe it is this attitude which has seen me through, what has been an extreamly uneasy, everchanging year. A year in which everyone has struggled to get through, a year that most of us cannnot wait to move on from.
January saw me getting ready to move into my own house. Many hours of shopping, cleaning and building furniture aswell as focusing on training my new staff team on my formulation and WRAP plan and bonding with them through many hours of hard graft, preparing my house and the many other things that come with moving. I have very happy memories of this time.
In February I finally moved into my house. I was discharged from inpatient care into the community. it was such a special moment and I was extremely happy. achieving a goal I had longed for. for so long and proving all the haters wrong. It was extremely hard to say goodbye to a unit which will always hold a special place in my heart and where I was finally cared for and loved for who I am. After years of mistreatment a place which finally helped me to accept me as me and helped me to learn to love oneself again. A place where I learned more in 2 years than I did in 10 I left Mitford very teary but with many plans hopes and dreams for my future in the community. Boy have I achieved and excelled. Over the coming weeks after leaving Mitford I spent most of my time creating new routines and forging new pathways within the community. I joined Rock Choir and started Aquafit I also started volunteering for St Oswalds, something which has been extremely helpful towards my recovery. My confidence in the community was growing along with my social skills. As part of my work as an expert by experience I joined the CNTW involvement bank, which has been so rewarding I reconnected with a peer from a previous hospital admission and we have both came so far in our journeys. I’ve also made some great friendships within being involved in the involvement bank.
By March things were feeling comfortable. we began planning independent travel training, mapping out routes and studying bus timetables, working towards a main goal of 2020. My career within expert by experience work was expanding and I was enjoying being involved and making a difference. I was travelling to Leeds to attend meetings and I also attended a conference in Durham, which led to being involved with the Confirm and Challenge group which Inclusion North run. I was beginning to manage my spare time to fit in housework and crafting as well as fun activities, fitness and exploring the area. Things had begun to take shape just as I had wanted and I was enjoying my new life of freedom.
But at the end of March, the UK was put into a national lockdown, after COVID19 really took a grip. Most things came crashing down and I seriously questioned how I would cope. The routine I had worked so hard to forge and had begun to rely upon so much had suddenly crashed I wondered how I would cope I was so scared that it would mean I would enter crisis but I surprised myself I think I surprised everyone I rose to the challenge read about how I coped here
April came and soon it would be my birthday but the stark realisation that it would’t go as planned was hard to fathom. Fortunately though my care staff were truly fantastic. I had an absolutely fabulous day I received lots of nice gifts and had a zoom party with the family, followed by a pinata called Dave who was indestructible and some games and a takeout. It was a very good day so much fun and it was nice after being so stressed around lockdown. April has always been a really hard month for me due to trauma and shortly after my birthday I found myself in a mini-crisis. Just a while later what I had hoped would not happen did happen but I got through it. I was in a much better situation than previous years I seeked out support and used my sensory strategies.
Easter was very different this year we cooked a lamb dinner and i spent time with the family through zoom it was a very quiet day and nice to relax
Throughout april it was Autism awareness week and I collaborated with CNTW to talk about how poetry has helped me get through my difficult times and helped me to process the world around me read about it here .
Cross stitching and jigsaws became my new favourite things to do and I was really enjoying the hot weather. In the middle of April I had an interview for college as I had applied to study level 2 diploma in professional cookery. I learned later on that I had been accepted onto the course, which was absolutely fantastic news. At the end of april I was introduced to speakup self advocacy, this has been an absolute lifeline, they all accepted me into thier group with no judgement and they have helped me to expand on my expert by experience work. I am now part of thier team and what a wonderful team we are.
In May I did a lot of walking, we went on many adventures. The weather was beautiful I spent alot of time outside mainly sunbathing sometimes on the beach after a long walk and other times outside my flat mainly on an afternoon after working in the morning. I read alot and did alot of cross stitching. Work was a lifeline it was a massive part of my routine which was keeping me stable. I also started online zumba classes which I thoroughly enjoyed and I got to explore the wonders of my local area eating lots of fish and chips along the way. As restrictions began to ease I made a suprise visit to my family home to see my mum and dad.They were ever so shocked and so pleased to see after many months of isolation, it was a real pick me up.
June came and honestly it was not a great month I spent a week in hospital and needed emergency surgery to remove my gall bladder. So I spent most of June recovering, whilst keeping myself busy with engagement work, focus groups and lots of crafting. Crafting and jigsaws have been my main coping/distraction methods throughout lockdown. At the end of June once I was feeling brighter I met with mum and dad in a local park for a sociallly distanced picnic, which was just lovely we enjoyed the day and it was great to see them.
July was a much busier month, I again spent lot of my time working and crafting, doing online zumba as well as lots of walking. I visited Tynemouth aquarium, which was very soothing and peaceful it was a day in which I could indulge my autistic senses and it really helped. I returned back to my St Oswald's voluntary work, as restrictions had reduced and this gave me more to look forward to and alot more structure to my days. It was hard trying to get back into a routine though and very tiring. My Mum Dad and sister visited and we had fish and chips and a long walk on the beach, it was again nice to see the family. I visited south shields via the ferry and went to the fair to celebrate 6 months in the community. Those 6 months had flown by and everything was still going really well.
August was a quiet month and having saved up some money I took to buying new bedroom furniture i spent over a week and a half putting together flat packs it was a nightmare but looks so pretty now. St Oswald's work continued and I added in an extra day. I went to my mum and dads for a fews days in August a nice change of sceanery with lots of walks. August saw me falling and cracking my elbow so I spent a week in a sling, it was really painful but I recovered quickly. I started a lockdown scrapbook documenting important days and activities I did to keep myself occupied aswell as memorable moments. At the end of August I focused on getting ready to start my college course in September.
September was a fantastic months lots of new beginnings. I started college on the 3rd, I was so nervous and it was scary but i did it. Work was becoming increasingly busy with lots more projects and meetings. I helped chair a CNTW CPD event which went really well and really boosted my confidence with lots of interesting discussion around autism. I continued to thrive within the college enviroment with confidence building every week. I reduced my hours with St Oswald's to fit in with college but also to give me processing time and I started my first assignment for college. i visited home for a celebration which was really fun and I made a cake for my key workers birthday which was so much fun
October came by quickly and it was a difficult month. My crohn’s had flared so I had to go on the polymeric diet, which meant my energy levels were very low I passed my first exam at college. In the middle of October I went to York to visit the outlet, I did some christmas shopping. It was a lovely day and I got to see York Minister I will definatly be going back once current restrictions are lifted. October saw lots of meetings with work and a speakup halloween get together through zoom.
November was a month of exams and assignments at college and lots of learning, my confidence has grown so much and i am loving college life. November was a busy month with work lots of meetings planning training events and campaigning. I enjoyed my evenings being able to chill out with Netflix. At the end of the month I went into a 3 day isolation period ready for a planned procedure for my physical health. I spent the 3 days putting up my christmas decorations, wrapping presents and doing all things festive as well as organising my crafting materials. The latter of November was spent recovering from surgery, which thankfully went really well and I did not have too much pain.
December what a wonderful month I've been feeling so festive this month. My first christmas in my own home and not under section. College has been busy with christmas dinners being the highlight.
After a year or two in the making my book Autistic Female In A Neurotypical World was finally published, this has been such a massive achievement and something which i am extreamly proud of.
buy my book here
christmas has been quiet, lots of nice frosty walks and some very muddy ones. It's been nice to spend time with the family and just relax and put my feet up after such a busy year.
2020 has been a year that many of us want to forget! But for me it has been an unforgettable year, in which i have made huge progress. A year which I will always cherish as despite COVID it has been so special.
As the new year 2021 approaches its hard to know what the year will bring, with so many uncertainties ahead of us all. Despite this I still have so many goals, hopes and dreams I wish to achieve and I am really looking forward to the year ahead.
I wish you all a happy healthy and safe 2021 and hope that things will soon improve and we will soon have some kind of normality.
